Wishful Drinking: The Alien Baby

Dear readers,

Another week has come and gone, and the Bat City Herald is no closer to firing that disturbed young lady who has seized the reins of power at the once-prominent journal. Forty-five days into her journalistic junta, and what do we have to show for it? The return of Garfield to the comics page? Please.

But I digress.

Today's column, as promised, concerns two different drinks, both called, rightly or wrongly, the Alien Baby.

My first experience with the alleged extraterrestrial love child came from a disturbed young woman tending bar at Headhunters on Red River road. She filled a pint (a queen's pint) glass with some disgusting Red Bull competitor, which--in a crime against both God's and Man's law--came straight from the soda gun. Then she dropped a shot glass full of Jagermeister into this vile vial, leaned in close, and quietly urged me to "slam" the beverage.

Slam I did, at which point I felt a very unpleasant sensation in my abdomen.

"It's like an alien baby is trying to get out, right?" she said.

With a wild gesticulation I signified that yes, it did.

"That's what it is called. It's called the Alien Baby."

However, some days later at The [original] Hole in the Wall, I attempted to order said baby, as a cruel joke on an old accomplice. I was informed by Lindsay the bartendress that the drink I was describing was well known around the world as a Jager Bomb. Which, I suppose, is a more helpful and accurate name. Together, we consulted the bar's drink database and discovered that there is another drink called the Alien Baby, and here is the recipe (courtesy of the Internet and the always helpful Extra Tasty!):

Using a short glass (or even a shot glass) fill 2/3 with peach schnapps. Slowly pour the baileys to fill the glass. If it goes to plan, it should sits on top.

Splash in some grenadine. It should congeal and form a little pink foetus-looking jelly in the schnapps. Knock it back, the alien baby slides down your throat like only god knows what.

Lovely!

Lindsay flatly refused to make this drink, no matter how many hundred-dollar bills I spread across the counter. So I repaired, alone, to the Wishful Drinking Laboratory, to experience the true Alien Baby for myself.

With a flick of the wrist I was able to create a reasonably foetus-like splash of grenadine. The taste was actually quite smooth, and the Baileys and the schnapps combined into a creamy, fruity delight.

Royce's Rating: 87 bottles out of 99 bottles of beer on the wall.

And that's all for this week dear readers. Remember, address questions about drink to RUMANDRAKE (at) GMAIL (dot) COM.

Next week's column: Royce answers your questions! And, drinking in space!

Wishful Drinking!

Dear readers,

Allow me to introduce myself: I am Royce Mandrake, formerly author of the award-winning weekly column, WIshful Drinking. Due to the shortsightedness of my parent publication, the once-great Bat City Herald, I no longer have a home for my little contribution to the project of western enlightenment, but our gracious host Sundiver has offered to let me ramble on about all things drink-related here in this space. Thanks, Sundiver!

While you may address questions to both of us, my particular area of expertise is the gentleman's intoxicant, the spirt. I hope to assist people around the globe with the accumulated wit and wisdom of Austin's drinking scene.

Address questions to RUMANDRAKE (at) GMAIL (dot) COM.

Next week's column: The "Alien Baby," how to make it, how to drink it, and why you should never, ever do either.

Overheard

I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk.

Alcoholics have to go to meetings.

Uh-huh

"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father," [Keith] Richards was quoted as saying by British music magazine NME.

"He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared," he said. "... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive." |Yahoo News|

Cash on Delivery

Dear Sundiver,

Last time I bought some weed, I gave my drug dealer some money to get a stash for a friend. He told me he'd get back to me in a couple of days. It's been three days and I haven't heard from him.
How long do I wait before I call him?

Twisting in the Wind

Twisting, you were pretty foolish fronting the whole thing. Never front more than half the money. I'd wait five days before I called him. No scientific reason, just what my gut tells me.

Meeting People

Bush Cocaine by costa cobosta.

Dear Sundiver,

Do you have any advice on how to find a good drug dealer?

I'm new to the game.

Noob



Noob Dude,

That's cool. We're all new to the scene sometime. Really, it's all about getting to know people, you just have to be conversational and try to get out more. Going to parties is good. Try going to live shows. Hang with smokers, always have a lighter. If people ask if you smoke, say "Not cigarettes." Weed is the easiest thing to find, it should be fucking legal and everybody knows it... especially the cops. Doesn't mean they won't break your balls if they're having a bad day, but a joint isn't anything to get excited about.

Stoners are usually easy to pick out. They're the laid-back ones. If you want something harder than weed, ask the guy who sells you weed. He doesn't carry it, but he knows someone who knows someone.

Whatever you do, never mention the words drug or dealer. You ask for a little somethin-something and everyone who's cool will know exactly what you're talking about.

Or you could get a job working for a criminal defense attorney. You meet all sorts of interesting people in my line of work.

Later Noob Dude.

Holding Your Own

Dear Sun Diver,

Can I get away with accepting weed from friends without
ever offering any back?

Sincerely,
Not Holding


  
   la cajita feliz - feel good hit of the summer  by melinka. 

N.H., it depends upon how good of friends you are with them.

For instance, if you give them sex regularly, the weed is probably freely offered.

Otherwise, you owe them a bonghit now and then. Dope smoking brings people closer together,
but nobody likes a mooch.

If you are too terrified to actually buy drugs from those scary drug dealers,
at least buy your friend dinner and take them out to a movie...

Prior to giving them sex.